The Annual Christmas Play
By William Hale

Scene 1:

Terrell Owens celebrated his 35th birthday on Sunday with a loss to the Pittsburgh Steelers. But despite the loss, the Cowboys still made sure to celebrate their star's special day.

Here is what transpired:

(Scene: The locker room. Owens' teammates gather around his locker and hand him a wrapped package.) Owens: "Thank you for remembering my birthday, guys." Romo: "No problem, buddy. We all chipped in. We think you'll like it." (Shakes box. Holds it to his ear.) Owens: "Hmm ... it seems light. I don't have a clue. I guess I'll just op ...
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NFL Teams are Giving Thanks
By William Hale

With Thanksgiving upon us, here is a list of a few NFL teams and the wonderful things they have to be thankful for:

DETROIT LIONS - Will be giving thanks for the season only being 16 games long. If this was Baseball, the Lions could be looking at a 0-162 record. By the way, the Lions are still giving thanks about Matt Millen not being there.

KANSAS CITY CHIEFS - Will be giving thanks for Larry Johnson being banned from interacting with any female ever again. The Chiefs are also thankful that they are NOT the Raiders. PHILADELPHIA EAGLES - Will be giving ...
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Around the NFL
By William Hale

-According to his Michael Vick's attorneys, they released a statement saying one should assume that Vick will be re-instated to the NFL upon his release. Because if there is one thing we've learned, the NFL stands for: Needs more Felons League In a related story, in a moved that can only be seen as classless, Vick said he has finally chosen the song he wants to be playing once he is released, "Who Let The Dogs Out?!" -Despite his teams disappointing season, Jerry Jones said he "absolutely" believes the Dallas Cowboys will make the playoffs. I guess this is like s ...
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The NFL Wrap
By William Hale

After the Cowboys loss last Sunday, Terrell Owens said, "You know, I'm just gonna play with whomever is back there at quarterback. If you can come back there and quarterback, hey -- I'll play with you." That's right, T.O. will play with anyone back there at Quarterback....unless your name is Donovan McNabb or Jeff Garcia. Then, he'll just call you lazy and gay.

Due to their 2-6 start, The Oakland Raiders have released their biggest off-season acquisition CB DeAngelo Hall. When contacted, Hall told reporters, "I am very upset.......that it took the Raiders this  ...
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Around The NFL Recap (Week 8)
By William Hale

Mike Singletary, the new coach of the 49ers, broke into a post-game tirade Sunday about Vernon Davis saying he wanted team players. It was at this point, Singletary showed how a team should come together by bringing out Jim McMahon and dancing to the Super Bowl Shuffle.

St. Louis coach Jim Haslett said he doesn't know if Steven Jackson would be able to play this Sunday. He also said it wouldn't matter if Walter Peyton was in the backfield, the Rams would still probably lose. The Steelers will welcome back Santonio Holmes to the team following a one-game susp ...
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Top 10 Things Jerry Jones Can Do To Turn Season Around
By William Hale

With the Cowboys most recent loss to the Rams of all teams, Jerry Jones needs to make some tough decisions about the future of his team. So in order to assist him with this endeavor, I put together a few things that Jerry can do to right this ship.

Top 10 things Jerry Jones can do to turn this season around:

- Increase offseason Pinkie conditioning. - Acquire another Roy Williams - Take Wade Phillips out for a "Dinner on the Lake" with his business partners Vinnie and Guido. - Be more like Al Davis by only wearing 1970's sweat suits and Blue Blocker ...
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Top 5 Things Pac-Man's Bodyguard Said to Start the Fight
By William Hale

According to reports, authorities say Dallas Cowboys' DB Adam "Pac-Man" Jones got into a brief scuffle with the bodyguard that was assigned to him by the team at a private event Tuesday night at a Dallas hotel. What was shocking to most people was the incident didn't happen in a strip club.

One bystander said, "If that bodyguard had been wearing a thong and some clear heels, I don't think he woulda made it out alive." This got me thinking. What could that bodyguard have possibly said to set of the usually mild mannered even tempered Pacman Jones. Well, here i ...
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T.O. Tries To Get Into Heaven
By William Hale

At the post-game press conference, Terrell Owens, in a weird display of emotion said, "God used me today for his glory. Reality is where glory resides. That's all I've got to say." That is unfortunate. Because I have no idea what you are saying. And now, confusion is where I reside.

This got me thinking, if players thank God every time they win a game or a match, do they also thank God when they lose? I mean, can you imagine the losing boxer at a press conference? "First of all, I would like to give all glory and honor to God for allowing my face to receive my opp ...
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Al Davis Finally Comes Out of His Cocoon
By William Hale

Al Davis came out of his cocoon yesterday to finally drop the hammer on Lane Kiffin. So it is now official. Lane Kiffin is no longer the head coach of the Oakland Raiders. It would take a very special kind of person to be the next head coach for the Raiders so here are a few suggestions:

OJ SIMPSON - I hear he's very "hands on." He'll bring in plays to help slice up the defense. If someone takes the ball, he'll just go steal it back. He has been known to kidnap the opposing QB a time or two. Signature Play: The Double Reverse Homicide. PARIS HILTON - She's on ...
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Millen asks to be GM of "KnowHuddle.com." Laughter Erupts.
By William Hale

THE MILLEN MAN MARCH OUTTA TOWN

The Detroit Lions have fired GM Matt Millen after amassing a team record of 31-84 since 2001. Which happens to be the worst record in the NFL for that time period. In fact, the only thing lower than the Lions' winning percentage is President Bush's approval rating.

In a related story, a new report out states that kids learn more and become smarter by being on a losing team, rather than a winning team. If this was the case, the Detroit Lion's players should all be Rhodes Scholars.

SHOCKING UPSET Oregon State upset the Nu ...
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